RaShad's World

Sweet Escape.

Tumblr really was my escape for a while and I kinda abandoned it. I’ve been needing that place to go to get away from everything. My own space and here it was the entire time. I gotta get back to blogging.

I’m Back.

I’m Back!! Abandoned my Tumblr for some days to get things back on track. Everything is good, I got the job, and life is just great. I have to get used to being up at this time of night and not being in my bed. I’m working Midnight to 7am for a few days later this week, and I have to get adjusted to all of that. Things are changing, and I love it. Welp…See ya. 

-RaShad

Non…

Been in a very odd mood lately. I’m not sad or angry, and it’s not happiness or joy either. Very….Nonchalant. I guess it’s a good thing, because it’s helping get through a lot of things. It’s become much easier to just shrug things off now and say, “Whatever” to everything. And I guess that’s good. Well…I have this interview Monday, and have nothing to wear. So let me try and put together an outfit and I’ll see you later Tumblr. 

-RaShad

I Care…

I Care. But I don’t. I Care. But I shouldn’t. I Care. But I can’t help it. Have you ever wanted to hate someone so much, but your heart and the person that you are just wouldn’t let you? It’s like, I want to hate you so much that I can’t help but love you. After everything that happened between the two of us, the visual in my head of me punching you in your chest plays over and over again. But the person that I am, I could never do that. I would never do that. Not because I’m afraid, cause I have whooped a many of asses that I was afraid of. The reason why I can’t bring myself to hate you is because, something is wrong with you. I don’t know what it is. And I don’t think you know what it is either. Will I ever know? To be honest, I don’t want to find out. Will you ever know? I hope you someday figure out what it is about you that makes you this way and I hope that you get better. And that’s all I can say other than, this will be THE LAST tear, blog entry, space in my brain, in my heart, on the tip of my tongue that will be wasted on you. Will you ever read this, probably not. But it feels so damn good to tell you that….I Care…But I don’t. *Waves* Bye. 

LLL #2 - Love. Live. Life.

It’s been a couple weeks now and I feel that it’s time for another blog. For days now I’ve said to myself that I need to blog, but the words that I needed to get out just wouldn’t come out. But they finally did, in the middle of me typing random words, attempting to get over this word constipation that I have. So here it is:

1) Love - I’m still scared. Of? Well, it’s still hard to explain. For the past couple of weeks after posting LLL#1 I’ve really gotten a chance to think about this and I’ve found out that it’s not love that I’m afraid of. It’s being loved that scares me. If that makes any sense. You can love someone all day, but and they can love you. But then you start to say to yourself, “I hope I don’t do anything to make this person stop loving me.” Someone not loving me is my issue. I may act big and bad and seem like I don’t care about what people think, say, or feel about me. But the truth is, I just want to be loved. 

2) Live - Hmmm, I’m living. Lol. Things are good. T and I are getting closer. It feels good. And I know this is crazy, but I can honestly say that I’ve never felt this way about someone. I don’t what it is, maybe it’s that we’re 450+ miles away from each other. Or that we talk everyday. I honestly have no idea why this is, but….that’s my babe. 

3) Life - Life is just, life. Like I said I’m into someone, so that part of my life is great. I’ve had nothing but positive thoughts lately and I love that. For the past couple of days I’ve had my head in my business book cause I’m trying to expand my business, someday have my own building, staff, and all that. While doing everything else I have in my head like writing books and becoming a talk show host. Life is good. 

Well there it is, just some thoughts that have been floating around this head of mine that needed to get out. Well, Goodnight Tumblr. 

P.S. - I don’t know why, but I’m more comfortable typing my feelings out versus talking to someone about them. Why is that? I blame Twitter and Facebook.